First of all, to all of the mothers reading this: Happy Mothers Day! In part because of the holiday, I have seen a lot of discussion lately about what it means to be a mother. One comment from a friend on Facebook led to a statement that a woman can not work outside the house and raise a child. Which led to someone else arguing that women have really always worked at other things while raising children and it's ridiculous to think that a woman can not work outside of the home and still be a parent. And then, of course, there is the most recent cover story in Time magazine. If you haven't seen the cover, it shows a woman nursing her three year old. She is standing looking at the camera and he is standing on a chair, also looking at the camera and nursing. The headline is "Are you mom enough?" Now, this child is almost 4 and thus slightly older than Jacob. I love my kids and I could even still imagine nursing Alex at 18 months if circumstances had been different, but I can not wrap my head around the idea of nursing Jacob at his current age. So, no thank you there. But regardless of that, I think the picture looks really awkward and the subjects look a little hostile. The article is about attachment parenting and Dr. Sears who has written several books on the subject. And while I haven't read the actual article (I do not want to subscribe or buy the magazine so I haven't had access yet), I have read some of the related articles and it sounds like they do not speak favorably about attachment parenting or extended breastfeeding. Which makes me wonder why the mom was willing to do the cover photo at all. But in the end what bothers me the most about the whole thing is that Time is basically trying to make money by re-igniting the mommy wars. As if mothers aren't judged enough. Look - I don't care if you breastfed your child until he was 8 as long you don't try to convince me it's child abuse not to. I do not care if you gave your child formula or had an epidural or scheduled a c-section simply because it seemed easier. I do not care if you choose to stay home with your child or send him to daycare. Vaccinations, circumcision, fast food, cloth diapering, television...the list goes on and on. And really an awful lot of people seem to care about your decisions on those things. And they care A LOT. Those people will stop you in the aisle at the grocery store and lecture you about how you are abusing your child even though you have never met them and they don't know a thing about you except that you are in the formula aisle. Why are they there if they think formula is evil? Presumably, just to yell at you since they would never buy the stuff themselves. It starts as soon as people can tell you are pregnant. Who knows when it ends. But no one really needed a Time magazine cover to highlight it.
As for daycare - I love our arrangement. They go 3 days a week and we are home the other days. It works really well for us and I'm happy that we have the option. This week was also teacher appreciation week so first of all to all of the teachers reading this: thank you! The boys and I made cookie bouquets for all of the teachers at their school. There are 10 and they fill for each other so we didn't want to leave anyone out. They turned out great and we had a wonderful time making them. I let the teachers know that the boys had done most of the work and that Jacob was especially proud of his work. The director told me that all of the teachers made sure to acknowledge him. At the end of the day, I asked him if the teachers said thank you. In his most solemn tone he told me "No mommy. They are teachers. They do not know how to say thank you." I'm still not sure where that came from.
Many, many times I have dropped the boys off at daycare and been glad I didn't have that job. Parents dropping their kids off with Skittles for breakfast, kids who all want to play with the exact same toy at the exact same time, lots of noise and lots going on. And that doesn't even get in to all of the diapers and general cleaning up. But I'm glad they are there. They do things with the kids that I, honestly, just wouldn't think about. When Jacob was 2 his teacher told me he really liked cutting with scissors. Nope, never would have thought to give a 2 year old scissors. But we got him some for home and he does love it and he's getting better at it. And it's nice having a neutral opinion on how they are developing - especially when the doctor was worried about Alex. These teachers see lots of kids at this age group so things stand out (or not) much more clearly than they do for me. We even have a parent-teacher conference on Friday since Jacob is now in the preschool class. It's nice being able to go to work and think about grown up things. It's nice that they have a chance to interact with other kids - even when that means there is biting. And it was very nice to have a Mothers Day tea where we had cookies and tea and even got to release the butterflies that Jacob's class watched develop from caterpillars. Jacob made me a paper flower and Alex's teachers put his footprint on a little frame. I love my husband, but there is no way he would have had the boys do Mothers Day crafts.
I don't want it to sound like there are people lurking around every corner waiting to jump out and yell at you. I have also met many wonderful women who are very supportive and generally great to be around. But being a mom is hard enough without feeling like you have to justify every single decision you make. So be nice - everyone out there is fighting a hard battle! (Someone famous said that but no one seems to agree who it was so I'm not going to specifically attribute it.)
No comments:
Post a Comment